False starts

There have been a couple of topics I've been wanting to mention this week on the blog, but they haven't evolved into fully developed thoughts to share. Here's what I have as is:

I watched Chariots of Fire over the weekend in an effort to recapture an image of what it looks like to be a Christian, wholly devoted to and joyful about, the Lord's work. Admittedly, I found myself about as fascinated by H. M. Abrahams as I was by Eric Liddell. I read a biography of Eric Liddell in the spring, so that fleshed out some of my interest in who he was and what his life was like beyond the olympics. But Abrahams, I remain intrigued by. I spent a little time looking for a good article about him, but I haven't found one I could access yet. Abrahams captures my attention in part because of the inner conflicts I face with my own Christianity. The drive to achieve. The compulsion for excellence. The ambition to push past labels. Those things reside within my soul, too, and sometimes end up at war with what it means to seek after the kingdom first.

Twice over the weekend, I read the account of Jesus' visit to Simon's home where the wayward woman exemplifies what it means to be forgiven much. Some of the contrast between Simon, upright, religious, and accomplished and the woman, humbled, heartfelt, and grateful seems also to touch on those differences that exist between Abrahams and Liddell. When I examine myself, I realize that I know many of the right things and abide by them, but my heart is not always overflowing with a love that comes from a deep awareness of my need for God. This becomes apparent at the times when I press for spiritual growth and feel frustrated by obstacles, forgetting that these circumstances and the testing grounds that prove genuine faith. I want results, but I reject the process, the pain, and sometimes the ugliness that comes before that maturity happens.

Liddell ran with grace; He moved with God and in it, He found joy, peace, and true satisfaction. The woman approached Jesus out of the overflow of what she knew she had received from Him. Abrahams ran like one man against the world. There was anxiety, unrest, and uncertainty about the finish. He wanted to be able to justify his existence. Simon likely abided by strict religious rules to make himself holy and to appear sufficient in the eyes of his peers. He was so focused on external matters that he may have been right before man, but his heart was still far from God.

If I had to pick one take away from my reflections on these people, it would be that surrender differentiates Liddell from Abrahams in the race (and likewise, the woman from Simon). Liddell and the woman found their life's purpose and their greatest joy in the process of giving it all to God and letting Him chart their course. Until we entrust everything to Him, declaring Him Lord over all, there remains a restlessness in our souls that we want to fill with something other than Him. I suspect that many Christians who know Him as Savior have wrestled with this for years, or even decades, and that it manifests itself most evidently when the thing we feel we cannot yield to God disappoints us, either in that it evades us even when it is in our grasp or that we had it and lost it somehow and then spend our efforts trying to gain it back or make up for the loss.

Philippians 3:7-14 and Hebrews 12:1-13 have some good reminders for those of us who have yet to experience the benefits of surrender in our relationship with the Lord.